Green Treehouse

There is no doubt in my mind that having a child impacts friendships.  Some new moms discover that even the “best” friendships change once a child enters the picture.  Sometimes kids are the ultimate friendship breaker. 

Are kids really that powerful?  Absolutely.  A child usually changes our priorities and leaves us completely pinched for time.  Often friendships with childless friends are impacted hard.  As understanding as those friends may be, or want to be, you may both come to realize that you’re now operating in seemingly different, unfamiliar worlds.   

While some friendships will withstand the test of time, some friendships will inevitably crumble.  Friendships with friends who are understanding and flexible are probably more likely to hang around.   It’s sad to lose a friendship, especially one that was so important to us in our pre-baby years.  But there is a silver lining. 

With baby comes a new opportunity to expand your circle of friends–from “mommy and me” classes to PTA meetings, you’re bound to make a ton of friends over the years.  Keep in mind, too, children grow fast.  In time, you’ll have more time on your hands for greater scheduling flexibility to reconnect with your old buddies.

Don’t have time to catch up with your friend, let alone change your spit-up covered shirt?  Here are five quick ways you can let your friend know you’re thinking of her:

1.  Pick up a couple of postcards next time you’re out running errands.  Keep them next to your computer.  Next time you find yourself waiting for your computer to boot-up, grab a pen and fill one out!  Even if all you say is “Hi, I’m thinking of you,” you’re sure to make her day.

2.   Send an e-greeting card.  A number of companies offer free e-cards, including the big names like American Greetings and Hallmark. 

3.  Next time you have your cell phone in hand, snap a quick photo of yourself and send it to your friend, along with a quick “thinking of you” text message.

4.  Send her a small bouquet of her favorite flowers–doesn’t everyone appreciate a surprise visit from the florist?

5.  If your friend lives or works nearby, offer to meet her for a ”lunch walk”–bring along the stroller and keep your fingers crossed that junior will enjoy taking in the sights.     

What quick tips do you have for staying in touch with your pre-baby friends?

As far as I’m concerned, a mother can never have too many mom friends.  Frankly, I’m highly suspect when someone says they don’t need anymore friends.  Over the course of parenthood, friendships inevitably come and go. 

There’s simply no guarantee that the girlfriend you met at a “mommy and me” class is going to stick around for the long haul–and just because you share a friendship doesn’t mean your child will also want a friendship with the other child.  Parenting has a terrific, although slightly gut wrenching, article that drives this point home.

Since becoming a mother, I’ve begun to amass a steadily growing network of mom friends.  While I wouldn’t say that every friendship earns the earmark of ”BFA” status, each friendship is special and as unique as the friend herself.  For example, the bond and discussion I share with C* is completely different from that shared with S*.  C* loves to spend our play dates outside, talking exclusively about all things baby.  S* on the other hand, loves to shop and talk about…well, everything non-baby.

Mom friends are more than emergency babysitters.  Mom friends can help ease the lonely, frustrating, scared, or sad moments of parenthood, and share in the happy ones, too. 

When I first became a mom, I remember a time when I wondered, “gee, now that I’m a mom, how do I find ‘mom’ friends?”  Three babies later, I know that finding friends is actually easier than it seems–probably the most challenging part is getting to spend time with them once you become friends (and what mom doesn’t need “girl time” or a mom’s night out)!

New friendships can surface in the strangest places and when you least expect them.  The pediatrician’s waiting room.  The park.  The grocery store.  The library.  Starbucks.  Your child’s school.  Your health club.  Online.

I think the key to finding new friends is being receptive to the possibility of new friendships.  Smiling at a mom, offering to help a mom when it’s apparent she needs a hand, or starting a conversation with a mom are often simple keys to opening the new friendship door. 

Sure, it’s not always easy or comfortable to make new friends, but it gets easier the more you try, especially when you come to realize that underneath it all, there’s not a mom out there who doesn’t need a friend.

What’s the “strangest” place you’ve met a new mom friend?